Fun fact: Try shortening your business name to its initials to curry favour with the Gen Y or Z crowd.
Kentucky Fried Chicken was established in Kentucky, which is like a province of Wales and Northern Ireland, I think, by some old white guy who likes to put his pictures on stripy red and white buckets. Legend has it he was a lieutenant of some kind. These days Kentucky has stores all over the world, including the thriving metropolis of Kingston, Tasmania.
Fun fact: Pepsicola is a small town on the south coast of Northern Ireland. There used to be a TV show set there, Pepsicola: Chicken Wings of Gold, about a small franchise in the province of Alabama. It lends its name to the brown coloured beverage at Kentucky restaurants. Other drinks include: 18 or up—an alcoholic lemonade—and mellow orange—a synthetic orange juz imitation with bubbles in it.
Now you'd think a multimegacorp like the Yuk Foods (which owns KFC and the Pepsicola-Pizza Hut-Taco Bell triad, stock symbol YUK) empire could keep their franchises around the world consistent. But apparently, the delivery trucks obey local road rules, the servers speak the local language and they accept payment in local currency. This is clearly ridiculous in itself, but guess what? The madness doesn't stop there... Oh no:
What they sell in Kentucky and what they sell in Kingston are two very different propositions! Lieutenant Sandpaper would be spinning in his grave.
Let's take a look, with thanks to the KaData Module System from Kasoft Industries 2000 (KITT.)
This is what other sane fast food chains call a "meal" (for one.) But KFC reserves the word "meal" for something that would kill a horse (or feed a small family of fat people for a few hours.)
Wales on the left, Australia on the right.
Kentucky KFC, Wales  | Kingston KFC, Australia  |
|---|---|
| Snacker Burger Combo | Zinger Burger Combo |
| Double Crunch Burger Combo | Fillet Burger Combo (Original) |
| Honey BBQ Sandwich Combo | BBQ Bacon & Cheese Burger Combo (Original/Zinger) |
| Tender Roast Sandwich Combo | Works Burger Combo (Original) |
| Oven Roasted Twister Combo | Works Burger Combo (Zinger) |
| Crispy Twister Combo | Twister Combo |
| 2 Piece Deal (Extra Crispy) | 2 Piece Feed (Hot'n'Spicy) |
| 2 Piece Deal (Original) | 2 Piece Feed (Original) |
| 6 Kentucky Nuggets Meal | 6 Kentucky Nuggets Combo |
Now the nuggets in Kingston are tasty, but some people in the old country tell me that they aren't the same as the ones they brought back in some provinces of the former empire. Kingston also has a meal or two of its own:
Not to be outdone, Kentucky fights back with:
Yummy... I wish I was Welsh or Irish.
The combos come in two sizes—the normal size and the size you get if you answer yes to the question:
Would you like to upsize?
Meals come with seasoned chips and "Pepsicola Patented Brown Sugary Water-Like Substance, now available without Sugar." Trademark.
Fun fact: The Imperial States of Wales and Northern Ireland call "chips" "fries", which is short for "freedom fries." Freedom fries are a reference to the independence war the IS had with Scotland in the South, where they painted their faces blue and shouted "down with your FREEDOM, imperialist scum." They were later exported, via the small province of England, to the French, who renamed them again to "France's chips." Hence the name in Kingstontown, whose inhabitance all speak a pidgin variant of French that sounds a lot like English (the language spoken in the aforementioned small province.)
Soup
Incidentally, I can't comment on Kentucky's meal sizes or "combo sides" as they probably refer to them, but guess what? They sell soup! Hah! If you don't believe me, check their web site!
If you don't want a combo, you could just order the "sandwich," as the Welsh would no doubt say. Except the server to quiz you on this odd choice, however, because salty vegetables and sugary desugared water go hand in hand with greasy bits of chicken between seedy buns, don'tcha know?
Again, Wales on the left, Australia on the right.
| Kentucky KFC, Wales | Kingston KFC, Australia |
|---|---|
| Snacker Burger | Zinger Burger Combo |
| Double Crunch Burger | Fillet Burger Combo (Original) |
| Honey BBQ Sandwich | BBQ Bacon & Cheese Burger (Original/Zinger) |
| Tender Roast Sandwich | Works Burger (Original) |
| Oven Roasted Twister | Works Burger (Zinger) |
| Crispy Twister | Twister |
Fillers
For a while late last year and early this year, Kingston also sold a sandwich called the Filler which was 22 centimetres long, something of a submarine sandwich designed to compete with another chain. These came in three (count them, four) varieties:
I tried to order one once, in a combo no less, but the server kept asking "Fillet?" in response to my cry of "Filler!" until I finally gave in an ordered something else. So maybe they don't really exist, and the whole idea is a product of my Pepsicola-soaked mind.
Kentucky also has you covered if you don't want soup, but still want to eat like a dog. (Yeah, I told you earlier they had soup. Remember?) Try:
For two people, you can order a Dinner for Two at Kingston. In Kentucky, you could share a 2 Pieces & Biscuit Bowl. Yeah, they're a bit obsessed with bowls over in Wales.
Otherwise, unless you want to order by the piece (Original or Boneless in Kingston, Original or Extra Crispy in Kentucky), you can also order by the bucket:
(Swapping, Australia on the left this time, just like how they drive.)
| Kingston KFC, Australia | Kentucky KFC, Wales |
|---|---|
| Family Feast | Variety Big Box Meal (Original/Extra Crispy) |
| Variety Bucket (we have a match!) | Variety Bucket (we have a match!) |
| Party Pack | 12 or 8 Piece Meal |
Boneless Variety Bucket
Kentucky also have a Boneless Variety Bucket, where the variety is presumably between Original and Extra Crispy.
Then you'll be wanting some sides:
(Australia on the left again.)
| Kingston KFC, Australia | Kentucky KFC, Wales |
|---|---|
| Coleslaw | Pot Pie |
| Potato & Gravy | Granola Bar |
| Popcorn Chicken | |
| Dinner Roll | |
| Cheesecake | |
| Mousse |
OK, so a pot pie isn't really a side. But where else am I gonna put it? Besides, this one just makes the Welsh KFC look bad! Customer says, "Can I have a little dessert?" Server says, "Sure. I'll add a Granola Bar to yer order, sir."
Don't eat fried chicken! Ah, who am I kidding...
Many fast food chains in Australia are putting healthier options on their menus. Fillers were as close as KFC Australia got, and they only lasted two months. But if you are staying in Wales, you have a few options:
Mmm, those side salads sound good. Wonder if I can get some fried chicken with that?
Kids Meal
The resources Australian KFC restaurants could be putting into building a healthy menu is instead building the Yuk Food coffers with entertainment crossover revenues, while simulataneously investing in future customers fast food addictions. Genius. The name is the Kids Meal, a plastic meal with a cheap plastic toy, the idea stolen from another chain who has lost its way recently.
Last updated: Saturday 2nd February 2008