How to kill yourself before age 45

Fun fact: Sandwiches were like invented by the Earl of Sandwich, or something.

To make a Fried Belgium Sandwich (FBS), you'll need some ingredients.

  1. Cook between three and six slices of the belgium sausage under your oven's grill plate, turning once. You can also use a pansy standalone griller with a fat drip tray (maybe one endorsed by a has-been boxer) if you want to die later than your 45th birthday.
  2. While the belgium sausage is cooking, butter between two and six slices of the bread. You can also use polyusaturated magarine if you are a nancy boy who wants to see your grandchildren grow up.
  3. Slice off enough cheese to cover at least half of the bread slices. The thicker the better. If you choose to slice thin, maybe you should cover all bread slices to make up the difference.
  4. Once the belgium is cooked, place it on the cheese and place large blobs of tomato sauce in the centre of each slice. Close the sandwiches.
  5. Slice into halves. Quarter triangles are reserved for momma's boys. If you still live with your mother, get her to make the triangles fo you. You might as well.

Eat while warm. Yummy. See you in hell.

Like to try something equally unhealthy but less labour intensive? How about this? Don't like to leave the house? How about this?

Author and editor: Kade "Archer" Hansson; e-mail:

Last updated: Saturday 2nd February 2008